Let It Be

**This is an actual recording of my daughter’s concert from 5/24/22. I blurred the video to ensure the privacy and safety of the students.

Those three small words. In one way, they are meant to remind us not to worry, to remain calm, or that we truly are OK. But as I sat in the audience of my 6th grader’s final choir concert of the year tonight, I realized the small phrase was speaking to me more deeply than ever before – in the lament and cry for peace and change on this earth. Tears streamed down my face as I felt led to pray/lament for the innocent lives lost to school gun violence, racial violence (Buffalo), lives lost to the Russia/Ukraine conflict, to the lives lost in the 21+ other wars that are currently happening around our world (and I use the term ‘war’ broadly here as it can include conflict, unrest, battles over human rights, etc), not to mention for the previous lives lost in the 211 other mass shootings that have happened in the U.S. just this year (212 total mass shootings in 144 days of 2022). Holy hell. God, be near.

Today another senseless act of gun violence (aka America’s failed gun war) occurred on what I consider sacred/holy ground. An elementary school in Uvalde, Texas became the next location for a mass shooting in the United States. Precious lives were lost, as countless others have been prior. Schools are meant to be safe havens for children where they can grow to be problem-solvers, critical thinkers, keepers of peace, and world changers. But all of that was stripped from the 19 children and 2 teachers who’s lives were lost at Robb Elementary, just like those of Santana, Red Lake, Sandy Hook, Parkland, Oxford and and and and and and and…Holy hell. God, be near.

Over the past 20+ years, I have dedicated my career to the field of education as a 2nd/3rd-grade teacher, as an affiliate professor of education, and as a teacher educator. I have witnessed the heroic acts of selflessness and servitude by countless educators who literally show up every single day, even the days AFTER tragic and horrifying events. They are incredible. They are a force to be reckoned with. I am certain Eva Mireles, the 4th-grade teacher who was killed was a kick-ass hero to her students (and her own sweet child, too). Irma Garcia is a hero as well. Teachers SHOULD NOT have to run active shooter drills, hiding in small closets with 25+ kindergarteners keeping them quiet for 30+ mins (I have experienced these drills multiple times while conducting student teacher observations and they are otherworldly – truly dystopian and outright bone-chilling). What type of society has become numb to the absolute preventable loss of innocent life, that our schools have become the battlegrounds for a war that shouldn’t be? Holy hell. God, be near.

I am a wife of a teacher, not a soldier. High school. There was a shooting last Thursday at his school, too. This shit is real. The waves of terror and trauma are still rolling through his district – through him. Thank GOD he wasn’t at the event where the shootings occurred. But others were. Two were shot. Thank GOD their lives were spared. Every single day he shows up to one of the hardest jobs in the world (to keep other people’s kids safe, and cared for, learning how to critically see and think about a world that certainly isn’t working as it should, achieving new goals, becoming the BEST versions of themselves, finding ways to choose kindness over hate and grace over misunderstandings). Every day he is walking into a possible situation that could make him have to make a split-second decision (my life or theirs?). And you know what? The love of my life for 21 years would choose to sacrifice his very own life in order to save the lives of his students. There is not a question in my mind that if he was faced with an active shooter, he would fight to his death to ensure every last one of his students’ lives was spared. And that is the most TERRIFYING thought – but I am DAMN proud to call him mine. Holy hell. God, be near.

I am a mom to four. Kindergarten. Third grade. Sixth grade. Ninth grade. They are incredible humans who have talents, dreams, fears, hopes, creativity that is certainly making this world more tolerable and beautiful in my eyes. Every single day I send them into their respective schools knowing they will be championed by their teachers (principals, school secretaries, substitute teachers, para-pros, etc), cared for as I would care for them at home, and challenged to bring love to this world that is suffering so very much. I cannot sleep tonight with the very thought of the many families who are screaming the names of their children who were taken from this earth. I am haunted by the trauma they will endure for the rest of their lives. Now more than ever I am keenly aware that not a single one of us is exempt from these senseless acts. To think “it won’t happen here” is laughable. So, instead of thinking that, I am considering how I will talk to my precious four in the morning about the tragic events of Tuesday – how I can build them up with hope (because I am a firm believer in hope) but also empower them with Truth. How I can ensure that they know they were fearfully and wonderfully made, that they are LOVED beyond measure, and that they ARE safe walking into their classrooms because they have heroes as teachers. And I am going to hug the heck out of each of them before they leave the house! Holy hell. God, be near.

So what now? Tomorrow will come. It always does. But I will not be sitting still. Actions speak louder than words. You better believe I will use my given right to VOTE for individuals who are FOR common sense gun reform. You better believe I will use my given right to VOTE for individuals who are FOR public education and the safety of ALL children (and teachers). You better believe I will use my given right to VOTE for individuals who will break down the systems and empires of oppression, power, money, and greed that have imprisoned our country for far too long, and then who will rebuild our nation with equity and justice in mind. You better believe my money will go to organizations that are working to ensure every human in our country has access to safe and affordable health care, including mental health care, because the mental health crisis is a war of it’s own right now. Holy hell. God, be near.

If you are a teacher and you haven’t joined the Facebook Group: Teaching on Days After do it now! There are incredible resources and networking threads to support one another through times such as these. We are not alone.

I am also going to keep showing up. I am a teacher, that’s just what we do.

Let it be so.

~M